The Club Penguin Raid

[NintendoMeow]

Lemon sipped his coffee. He had stopped off in the Coffee Shop after a pizza-making shift for a refreshing coffee and fish cake.
Lemon reached into his pocket and took out the ElectroPaper 800, Professor Zoomy's latest invention.
Professor Zoomy was a popluar inventor of gadgets such as the award winning "AutoSnowball-O-Tron 2000" which fired snowballs at certain speeds and rates depending on how the users changed the settings with a little keyboard, and twiddled the knobs. Some of Zoomy's inventions were user-friendly, some were hard to understand unless you were a clever penguin scientist.
Pressing a few buttons on the ElectroPaper 800, Lemon soon had acsess to the Secret Agent section of the paper. The machine twisted gears and cogs and a light flashed on the top. Then a freshly printed newspaper popped out of the side and unfolded itself in the air with the help of small rocket boosters.
The front headline screamed "ATTACK ON AMERICAN SERVERS!" the text below saying "An extremely dangerous scientist has been taking over penguins minds and making them do things for him. For a picture list of mindshocked penguins look at the screen on the ElectroPaper."
Lemon checked the list. There was one penguin that looked familiar. It was that new friend he made yesterday, Otto. Suddenly the door swung open and a penguin came in. Suddenly the Spy Phone in Lemon's pocket switched on its alarm. It buzzed in a metallic voice "MINDSHOCKED PENGUIN ALERT". The penguin who came through the door was blue and wearing a red shirt. It was Otto!

[Shadow]

You need to seperate subjects with paragraphs. Professor should have got his own paragraph.

[NintendoMeow]

I was a bit tired yesterday... Sorry about that. Normally I write much better.
New chapter! I call it Number 2.

Lemon looked around for escape.
The teleportation wire on his spy phone was being fixed in Spy HQ, and he didn't bring any other gadgets that used the teleport wire.
Franticlly he stuffed the newspaper into his pocket and tried to make a run for the door. But Otto blocked his way with two blue flippers. "Hey Lemon, whats up?" he spoke in a puzzled voice.
Lemon suddenly remembered that he had a spare fuel tank for the Jetpack Game in his pocket. He reached around inside his trouser pockets and found it.
Otto's eyes were going red.
Lemon did not think this was a good sign, so he whacked the top of the fuel can and it burst right open.
Lemon suddenly felt himself start to sag and whither. Lemon fiddled with the strings on his backpack to try and attach the rocket but he was weighed down by evil and falling.
Falling through thick black darkness and sinking, moving further and further away from his body. There. was nothing to see in the deep gloom. All Lemons feelings were slowly moving away from his body. He strained in one last effort to escape from this everlasting doom.
Lemon was thrown back to his senses. Looking around, he saw he was in what looked like a hospital. "Phew, at least I will be alright in here." he thought.
There were lots of doctors in white suits crowding around diferent coloured instruments. One of the doctors, peering at a moniter with lots of flashy lights and red lines and a confusing keyboard with weird symbols on the keys, had seemed to notice the red scribbly line go up a tad and said "His stratospheric blood pressure has gone down to the postive stage. Now we must put in the microscopic brain chip." he said in a growling voice.
Another doctor took a injecting instrument with a huge spike on it out of a hole in a machine. It looked more like a drill than anything else and Lemon was worried. The doctor pressed a button and gas went everywhere.
Lemon's sight faded away and he was asleep.

Anybody like it? That was a fun chapter to write, and I enjoyed it.

[Dakota765432]

Keep Writing Please..

[Bluefire78]

pretty good keep on writing i like it